You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
