I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
