woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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