My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
