dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
