We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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