Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm getting married
To pizza
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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