at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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