Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
