What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
