are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
