she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
