I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
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as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
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does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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