I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
