She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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