Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
