Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
