I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
