I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
