We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
