i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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