she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
