he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
