In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
