I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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