So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This baby is an asshole
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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