you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
