Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
