is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
