you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
