I haven't been this sober since birth.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
