Kiss
Puke
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
