Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
