Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
