If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
