I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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