i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
