Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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