did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
