Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
