someone threw a dead crab at me
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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