Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
