Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
