Girls should come with a carfax report
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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