it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
