I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
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took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize