the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
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