forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
