they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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