I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
