alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
