life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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