shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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