Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
