i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I need to stop coming to work sober
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
