TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
