we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
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i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
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KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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