Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
