I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
