Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
