why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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