Whod you bang
one might say we're banned from that church
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
