3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
