I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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