So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
