Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
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You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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