MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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