He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
