i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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