can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
