everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
