It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
this boner is exhausting
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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