and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
