If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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