Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
