I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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