For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
