I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
