Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I am in a vortex of obligation.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
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