I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The uberlube is also flammable
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
