I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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