Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
