I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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