everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
