he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
