In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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