Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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